How many of you Bunnies out there have read Twilight, become enveloped in the world of True Blood or Vampire Diaries, or have Interview with the Vampire or Queen of the Damned in your movie collection? Now, how many of you who responded “yes” have fantasized about getting it on with, or becoming a vampire?
Due to the popular uprising of Vampires in our world, many of you may be drawn into that new culture but feel torn about leaving your Love and Light philosophy behind. Today I present you with the solution: Fluffy Vampire Bunnies.
Now I know this sounds ridiculous, but they already exist in the world today. There are two types of FVBs, one found in fictional works, and the other in our cities across the world. Let us talk first about the Fictional FVBs.
Edward Cullen is the perfect example of a Love and Light vampire. Not only can he walk in the sunshine, he voluntarily gave up harming humans AND he sparkles (what more could a girl ask for?). Add on top of that his super nice-guy character and we have the ideal Bunny dream vampire. There is no need to curb his need for blood, nor is there any real need to hide him in your worshiping practices. He may even offer to help once he realizes that he could play an amazing Apollo.
In order to attract this type of unrealistically subdued vampire, one must possess two things: The ability to confuse him by not letting him into your head, and the ability to get into trouble at every turn. Being a Fluffy Bunny already, this should not be a problem (especially when Realistic Witches are about.). Not only does our misconception of Wicca and Pagan beliefs confuse Vampires like Edward, it also confuses the general population. Since Edward is fictional, it would be best to focus your efforts on a vampire RPG guy who is more than happy to put on sparkly lotion. If you are fortunate to be a particularly gifted Fluffy, you may be able to create a spell that would conjure Edward right out of Twilight, and entice him to let you replace Bella in his life (caution: If you are attempting this, please use the first twilight book so he is still single and has no daughter.).
TV Vampires are a little harder to curb towards the Love and Light philosophy. They all love the “bad boy” image and the idea of corrupting a good Fluffy is irresistible. The key to making this relationship work is to play hard to get. One must not fall off the bandwagon after all (see my article Love and Light Phenomenon for consequences) and it is this type of Vampire which is 100% likely to cause a fall from grace.
The easiest way to turn him? Make a love potion, cast a love spell (these two are particularly powerful if you are reincarnated/related to Aphrodite, Venus, Isis or Freyja.), and use voodoo dolls to prevent him from harming anyone until he is under the influence of your romantic conjurations. Many bookstores sell totally legit love spell books (101 Love Spells, Spells for Sex and Love, Cosmopolitan magazine…) and they are sure to work. They also follow the strict guidelines of Love and Light, so don’t feel bad about tricking him into your life. After all, why would you have invented your powers if they weren’t used to further your own happiness?
Next, we have the human vampire culture that’s spread across the world. Many large cities have founded covens that require initiations similar to those of Sorority/Fraternity houses. I do not recommend applying to one of these, but instead create your own. After all, magic and Vampires have been linked since the days of Buffy and Angel and that history is clearly long and unbreakable. Adding a bit of Vampire culture to your already Fluffy practices could help you bed that sexy vampire guy with the ceramic fangs and weird cloths. All you have to do is put on your overly Gothic ritual wear, your large pentagram and lots of dark red and black make up. Add a couple of lipstick dots on your neck to imitate a fresh bite mark, and voila! You’re now attractive to the human vampire.
Creating the coven is a little bit more difficult. You do not want to fall into the darkness, so it is best to follow Edward’s example (and even make him your Vampire God, with yourself as the Goddess of course.). First, you must find a local group of fluffies who are equally devoted to Love and Light, and Edward, as you are. Next, make it part of your coven rules that you must all have vampiresque names (see my article Choosing a Magical Name if you need assistance), wear overly slutty clothing, and wear unnecessarily thick dark make-up. It is also advisable to buy fake fangs and sparkly lotion. Perform all your rituals with the above mentioned items, but be sure that your clothing is the only dark part of your rituals.
If you are lucky enough to steal a male FVB from an existing coven, use red wine and copper shavings to simulate the taste of blood. Please note that, while we admire Edward for harming no humans, animal blood is not an acceptable substitute in Human Fluffy Vampire Bunny covens if you wish to remain on the path of Light.
Keep in mind that the world of human vampires is as seductive as the world of TV vampires. The culture they’re part of is sexy and liberating, but so too is the Path of Light and Love.
This is Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.