Fluffy Bunny News Report

Vampires and Bunnies: How to Mix Worlds.

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:47:00 -0400

How many of you Bunnies out there have read Twilight, become enveloped in the world of True Blood or Vampire Diaries, or have Interview with the Vampire or Queen of the Damned in your movie collection? Now, how many of you who responded “yes” have fantasized about getting it on with, or becoming a vampire?

Due to the popular uprising of Vampires in our world, many of you may be drawn into that new culture but feel torn about leaving your Love and Light philosophy behind. Today I present you with the solution: Fluffy Vampire Bunnies.

Now I know this sounds ridiculous, but they already exist in the world today. There are two types of FVBs, one found in fictional works, and the other in our cities across the world. Let us talk first about the Fictional FVBs.

Edward Cullen is the perfect example of a Love and Light vampire. Not only can he walk in the sunshine, he voluntarily gave up harming humans AND he sparkles (what more could a girl ask for?). Add on top of that his super nice-guy character and we have the ideal Bunny dream vampire. There is no need to curb his need for blood, nor is there any real need to hide him in your worshiping practices. He may even offer to help once he realizes that he could play an amazing Apollo.

In order to attract this type of unrealistically subdued vampire, one must possess two things: The ability to confuse him by not letting him into your head, and the ability to get into trouble at every turn. Being a Fluffy Bunny already, this should not be a problem (especially when Realistic Witches are about.). Not only does our misconception of Wicca and Pagan beliefs confuse Vampires like Edward, it also confuses the general population. Since Edward is fictional, it would be best to focus your efforts on a vampire RPG guy who is more than happy to put on sparkly lotion. If you are fortunate to be a particularly gifted Fluffy, you may be able to create a spell that would conjure Edward right out of Twilight, and entice him to let you replace Bella in his life (caution: If you are attempting this, please use the first twilight book so he is still single and has no daughter.).

TV Vampires are a little harder to curb towards the Love and Light philosophy. They all love the “bad boy” image and the idea of corrupting a good Fluffy is irresistible. The key to making this relationship work is to play hard to get. One must not fall off the bandwagon after all (see my article Love and Light Phenomenon for consequences) and it is this type of Vampire which is 100% likely to cause a fall from grace.

The easiest way to turn him? Make a love potion, cast a love spell (these two are particularly powerful if you are reincarnated/related to Aphrodite, Venus, Isis or Freyja.), and use voodoo dolls to prevent him from harming anyone until he is under the influence of your romantic conjurations. Many bookstores sell totally legit love spell books (101 Love Spells, Spells for Sex and Love, Cosmopolitan magazine…) and they are sure to work. They also follow the strict guidelines of Love and Light, so don’t feel bad about tricking him into your life. After all, why would you have invented your powers if they weren’t used to further your own happiness?

Next, we have the human vampire culture that’s spread across the world. Many large cities have founded covens that require initiations similar to those of Sorority/Fraternity houses. I do not recommend applying to one of these, but instead create your own. After all, magic and Vampires have been linked since the days of Buffy and Angel and that history is clearly long and unbreakable. Adding a bit of Vampire culture to your already Fluffy practices could help you bed that sexy vampire guy with the ceramic fangs and weird cloths. All you have to do is put on your overly Gothic ritual wear, your large pentagram and lots of dark red and black make up. Add a couple of lipstick dots on your neck to imitate a fresh bite mark, and voila! You’re now attractive to the human vampire.

Creating the coven is a little bit more difficult. You do not want to fall into the darkness, so it is best to follow Edward’s example (and even make him your Vampire God, with yourself as the Goddess of course.). First, you must find a local group of fluffies who are equally devoted to Love and Light, and Edward, as you are. Next, make it part of your coven rules that you must all have vampiresque names (see my article Choosing a Magical Name if you need assistance), wear overly slutty clothing, and wear unnecessarily thick dark make-up. It is also advisable to buy fake fangs and sparkly lotion. Perform all your rituals with the above mentioned items, but be sure that your clothing is the only dark part of your rituals.

If you are lucky enough to steal a male FVB from an existing coven, use red wine and copper shavings to simulate the taste of blood. Please note that, while we admire Edward for harming no humans, animal blood is not an acceptable substitute in Human Fluffy Vampire Bunny covens if you wish to remain on the path of Light.

Keep in mind that the world of human vampires is as seductive as the world of TV vampires. The culture they’re part of is sexy and liberating, but so too is the Path of Light and Love.

This is Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.

Out Of Office

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 11:19:00 -0400

Hello Bunnies!

There will be a short pause in News this weekend, I will resume reporting Monday. Thank you for your patience!

Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon

How to Craft an Impressive Lineage.

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 20:01:28 -0400

Good Afternoon my lovelies! Today we will be discussing the crafting of an impressive personal lineage.

Many witches (Fluffies and Realistic) claim lineage in some way. For most Fluffies it is usually through family traditions. For Realistic Witches, it is through Wiccan Tradition (because, really, how many of them actually have Realistic parents? Even those who do are probably lying. Pfft. They need more creativity.) The point of Lineage is to gather prestige and power over your peers, so claiming to be the descendant of only one extraordinary parent is not enough.

I knew someone once who claimed to be the Mother of all Mermaids (true story!) and I helped her to shape an amazing lineage off of that. We discovered she was actually the reincarnation of the Mermaids’ Mother, born of a Fairy Queen and an Elf Priest. She herself, because of her extraordinary parents, was reborn into this life as a water goddess who could shape shift into a mermaid on demand. She also had the ability to make pearls out of rocks, make water out of nothing, and could transform any one into a mermaid too.

In order for you to create your very own Lineage, you must figure out the following:

How many generations does this go back? This is different from how many lives you’ve lived, because if you are going to claim family lineage then you will speak in terms of generations. If you are taking the road of reincarnation, you can choose how many lives you’ve lived, and make a breif note as to where and what you were (most popular is Cleopatra, she’s always good for credibility.)
Who were your birth parents? Who were your original parents? Having mundane parents leads to less interest in you as an authority on Wicca and Paganism. If you live on your own, feel free to attribute all kinds of things to your parents, such as being mythical creatures or Gods. If you live with your parents, you are free to claim that they aren’t aware of their true natures in order to make people understand why they cannot weild the amazing powers you tribute to them.
What are your powers? Make sure that your powers are realistic in view of what you claim. You cannot be a Fire goddess who lives in the Sky and makes snow fall (who would ever believe that?). Pick an element and stick to things that are do-able.
Are you claiming to be an immortal or demi-God? If you choose to go this way, make sure you find the most outrageous myths you can, preferably with uncredited sources, and insert yourself in them somehow. It is well known that immortals and demi-Gods don’t ever die, nor are they reincarnated. Because of this, I suggest taking on the name of a character in these myths and claim to be the same person. Also, using a “trance” state of sleep to explain why you don’t know certain historic facts works wonders on disbelievers.
Which books are you using to validate your claims? I, personally, use Lord of the Rings to validate my claims of Elf ancestry. Clearly Tolkien was also a member of one of the races (I’m betting Dwarf or Hobbit) and lived to recount the history of Middle Earth. When I get people who tell me Middle Earth is a fictional story, I point out that the Orientals also knew of it and called it “The Middle Kingdom”. Who can argue with Mulan’s clear connection to this very truthful and verified historic volume written by Tolkien? Also, I’d like to know why its so popular if it’s fictional.
Lastly, are you claiming ancestry from a mythic race or or person? Claiming ancestry from Fairies, Elves/Dwarves and Heros are definitely good ways to insert yourself into history. When doing this though, be careful that you only choose personages that conform with Love and Light philosophies, or the teachings of your local Fluffy Bunny leaders (though if they aren’t totally in with Love and Light, I’d watch out to make sure they weren’t Realistic Witches posing as Fluffies to convert you).

Once you have all of these details figured out, decide if you will associate them with all of your magical names, or if you’d like a different background for each name (ideal). It is better to be able to claim family ties with as many of the above as possible. The more power you claim to control, the more credit you will gain in the Fluffy society. Plus, who doesn’t love to re-visit your past lives as a Goddess or a Fairy Princess?

Keep in mind that, as always, you will be challenged by the non Fluffy Bunnies at every turn. Just remember that “sticks and stones may break your bones, but an Immortality claim can never hurt you”.

This is Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.

Urban Dictionary: The Secret Attack Weapon of Realistic Witches.

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:32:00 -0400

Fluffy followers, we are under attack.

Many Realistic Witches have started an all out war with us in the most devious of ways: Using Urban Dictionary as a tool of destruction.

Now while most of the information they use is correct, it is twisted in the most hideous ways. No wonder we get picked on by everyone, including those within our own ranks. To those of you who do not know of this devious and Evil attack plan, allow me to give a few examples directly from UrbanDictionary’s website.

1. Fluffybunny

A modern neo-pagan or New Ager, typically a Wiccan, who knows nothing about their religion/ believes in crap like ‘the Burning Times’/believes their religion is all ‘love and light’/has a persecution complex/believes the Christians are Satan Incarnate/brags about their religion/wears a big-ass pentacle/knows the wrong facts about Wicca. Typically a bisexual vegan feminazi teenager who thinks they know everything in the world.

Fluffybunny alert: her pentacle is size of a dinner plate and she says ‘Never again the Burning Times’.

2. (1.) Fluffy Bunny

A fake wiccan, usully in their teens, with little or no information about the religion.

Tend to make noise about their path.

The fluffy bunny coven got their “tradition” out of Charmed.

3. (2.) Fluffy Bunny

Used as a derogatory term for someone who is ignorant, wilfully ignorant and/or disrespectful towards Wicca yet claims to be Wicca.
Used as a derogatory term for someone who takes a ‘Love & light’ approach to Wicca – i.e. lives in a make-believe world of fairies and unicorns, or someone who has an unrealistic view of the good within the world.
Often a teen who becomes ‘Wicca’ in order to follow a fad, also known as ‘McWiccans’ or Charmed fans. Often identified by their oversized pentagrams, ‘gothic’ clothing and the belief that spells given to them by other Fluffy Bunnies online have some sort of power.
Silver Ravenwolf.

(Wicca: Initiate only priesthood working within a Pagan mystery tradition, where one can trace their lineage back to Gardner)

4. Fluff-Bunny

Noun. A fluff-bunny is somebody who claims to be of a religion they think is maligned (such as Wicca, Satanism, or Paganism) simply so that they have a reason to bitch and moan, partictularly about Christianity.

Person 1: You can’t talk to me like that! You’re being mean just because I’m Wiccan!
Person 2: …No, I’m being mean because you’re a weepy fluff-bunny!

5. Fluffbunny

wiccan/pagan poser, wannabe

“omg, i need sum spells so i can kill people”

6.(3.) Fluffy Bunny

When a girl/guy has a hairy private part.

Do you have a fluffy bunny?

No, I shave.

Seeing the horrendous ways people have begun to twist our community and our beliefs, please allow me to give you some hope. Here is my commentary, and ways you can defend against these accusations and misconceptions.

1. First of all, we are not all Bi-sexual vegan teenagers. What a horrible assumption. Next, the burning times DID happen, look at Salem, look at the Inquisition. Those people who were all witches were burned. What a loss, its making me tear up just thinking about it. Next, Love and Light will save us all, enough said. The Christians are the ones who believe in Satan, not us (it doesn’t co-exist with Love and Light), and they are all out to start more Witch Burnings. Why would we want to openly attack them when they will just tie us to a stake again? Lastly, our pentacles are sacred. They protect us from the Christian meat-eaters and from Fire. The bigger the pentacle, the better it shields from everyone who would harm you. You can use all of these to counter-attack the people who would try to crack your beliefs in our mis-conceived view of Wicca and paganism. I encourage you to also use run-on sentances and scream as loudly as you can so you purge them of their silly wrongness.

2. Of course our tradition is out of Charmed, the Halliwell sisters had real powers! Why wouldn’t we follow them? The Realistic Witch population follows Gardener and Budapest like they’re some kinds of saviours, but they have no real powers. They’re just deluding themselves.

3. Where to begin! First off, all the information we have on Wicca, we share amongst ourselves, so how can you say we don’t know anything? We’re creative enough to make it up if we forget too! Second, Unicorns still exist in Banff, Alberta. Some guy on youtube said so, so it must be true. Also, I personally have pet fairies and I will send them to turn anyone who doesnt believe me into candy. Next, what is a McWiccan? Is it like a cup of Instant-Witch? What happened to Beef and Noodles? It sounds like a human-burger Realistic Witches would eat to fuel their anger and war against us, definitely not Love and Light based. Also, Gothic clothing is traditional, it binds us to the Ancient Love and Light paths of our ancestors. Lastly, Silver Ravenwolf is a Goddess. She has enlightened us beyond hope in this world, she is clearly an incarnation of Athena and Isis together. If Realistic Witches try to use her against you, defend her but ultimately expect never to see that witch again. She will surely disappear within the hour for her inability to be Loving.

4. I’ve already covered how to counter-act those non-believing christians. Just continually claim to remember the Burning times because you have a relative who died in those fires. It works, I promise.

5. As a Fluffy Bunny, I know there are spells out there to kill people, but Love and Light forbids us to think of those kinds of things. Transforming someone into a flower, an animal or an inanimate object is a convenient by-pass though.

6. What? Why would you even consider comparing all of us True Believers to unruly nether regions? My fellow Bunnies, if this is how we are beeing thought of by the Mundane world, then there is no hope we will ever be able to make them see the Love and Light. Let us instead change the terminology. After all, the French refer to down there on women as “cats” and on men as “birds”. I vote the mundane shouhd, instead of using “fluffy bunny”, use “Sacred Soft Kitty” and “Sacred Flying Bird”.

In this day and age, it is impossible for us Fluffy Bunnies to find peace, so make sure you keep checking for more updated information on the topic of UrbanDictionary’s mis-constrewed information concerning our most truthful religion.

This is Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.

Choosing a Magical Name.

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 01:43:11 -0400

Good day, my fellow Bunnies! Today we address an issue plaguing many new and young bunnies; the issue of choosing a proper Magical Name.

While some bunnies may choose not to have one, a frowned upon decision in our vast community, most enjoy and look forward to creating their Magical names. Some go so far as to have multiple magical names, to assume these names on a day to day basis, and to otherwise use them inappropriately in order to convince people that they are truly a powerful Bunny who knows her Fluff.

It is important, when choosing a Magical name, to think of something presumptuous and complicated. Make sure to add “Lady” or “Lord” in front of it for prestige, and then “Elder” if you really want to make a lasting impression.No middle name is required and most Bunnies choose to ignore that unimportant piece anyway.

I myself have many magical names. You all know me here as Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon, but that is not my only name. My other more commonly used ones include Elder Lady SunWillow RiverNightHawk, Lady CerridwenElfStar AgateDolphin and Elder Lady SapphireSeaMist EmeraldLakeGuardian.

It is my experience that new bunnies want to choose a name right off the bat, which is a marvelous idea. Who needs to think it though, decide if it really fits them, and make sure it’s something they’d want to be associated with for a while? Definitely not me, and definitely not the impatient Bunnies waiting to prove to the world that they aren’t ignorant newbies. Thus we have a universal club for all new bunnies to join called “The Name of the Month” Club. Don’t think this limits you to only changing your name once a month; feel free to do it bi weekly, or every few days! If you are having troubles changing Magical names that frequently, here are a few resources you can use to help:

http://yaoiville.org/bryony/fun-kicks/mgk-name.php

http://www.fjordstone.com/fjo/generator.html

http://gaiacommunity.org/craftnames

The sources listed above are serious, credited, recognized and dedicated to helping people, not just bunnies (bless their love and light filled hearts!), to find their true magical names. Keep in mind, magical names have been known to change over time, so make sure you keep these sources on hand everytime you feel a new emotion, meet a new person, see another episode or Charmed (for it is the Fluffy Bunny Bible after all!) or find a new Goddess to follow (make sure she conforms to the conditions of Love and Light though).

It is also important to keep a list of your previous magical names just in case you need to change identities quickly amongst the many covens you participate in. No good, self respecting Fluffy Bunny keeps the same magical name for more than a month within any given coven, and recycling names is one way to evade this issue entirely.

Beware of those who would try to discredit your validity due to the length and number of components in your magical names. First off, they’re just jealous. Second, why would you waste your time with someone who didn’t believe you really are a High Priestess after 2 months, or a reincarnated Egyptian Princess? Those haters. Better off to leave them and their short magical names (if they even have ONE, nevermind multiples) behind and continue the evasive methods mentioned in previous articles.

As always, this Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon (Aka: Elder Lady SunWillow RiverNightHawk, Lady CerridwenElfStar AgateDolphin and Elder Lady SapphireSeaMist EmeraldLakeGuardian) reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.

The Love and Light Phenomenon.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 23:59:00 -0400

Fellow Fluffy Bunnies, this is breaking news. A new philosophy is sweeping our ranks and revolutionizing the way we think and choose our leaders. It calls to the Whitelighter in each of us and is something I believe we are destined to have discovered and must pass on.

This glorious event is known as “Love and Light”.

Much more than a simple blessing, which it may possibly be accepted as by Realistic Witches, Love and Light is sweeping our society and casting out darkness for good! What does this mean for you and your families?

Well, it means that anything negative, dark, depressing, sad or otherwise unpleasant about your life has miraculously ceased to exist! All that exists in the world is Love and Light. Now, some of you may wondering “But Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon, how can this be?” The answer is simple.

By refusing to accept the balance of light and dark in the world, and irrationally associating darkness only with evil and maelovence, we can simply refuse to accept and deal with that part of our lives, and anyone in our ranks who believe otherwise. Now this will require some Kool-Aid and alot of mind-trickery, but it is achievable, I promise you. After all, death in our world can now simply stop, so can the famine, poverty, war and disease that we all ignore anyway, because let’s face it, none of us do charity voluntarily for any other reason than to look good in our society. It also presents the perfect solution to political differences and religious discord.

Who knew that three short words could change our lives so much!

Of course, there are going to be those who will scoff at us in our endeavor to live life in Love and Light, not to mention forcing only Love and Light upon anyone we meet, but there are ways around this that work both online and in person.

- Firstly, claim that the Goddess is a nurturing Mother. Ignoring her Crone aspect will instantly eliminates the darker side and leave non-believers with nothing to stand on.
- Next, state as loudly as possible (preferably in run-on sentances) that anyone who acknowledges the dark, the Yang or the negative in any way other than associating them with Evil is an Evil witch who wishes only harm on everyone. After all, someone who willingly accepts death as a Natural part of life MUST be evil.
- Thirdly, publically announce that through Love and Light, you and all other believers will be granted special keys to the gateway of Pagan Heaven, and anyone who believes in anything else will instantly be thrown to Hell (even though you don’t believe in hell, because you’re a Wiccan after all).
- Lastly, anyone who does not share your philosophy of Love and Light should be banned/blocked from all Facebook groups and Twitter pages, de-friended, defamed and generally picked upon (but in a loving way with light filled words, lest you be cast out of this movement as well).

It goes without saying that blind following of Love and Light is necessary to its success, as is lack of knowledge in real Pagan/Wiccan beliefs and no in-depth knowledge of the God and Goddess. If you have these characteristics, you can become an advocate for Love and Light today! Together, we will change the world from a place of balance into a place of unreasonable and unachievable happiness, goodness and all around Love and Light!

For more information on the Love and Light Phenomenon, please contact the local Fluffy Bunny branch in your city.

This is Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.

The Realistic Witch Rises in Numbers.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:46:28 -0400

Today in the world of fluffy bunnies, our society has been gripped by a frightful and catastrophic pandemic: The Realistic Witch.

Having thought to be extinct years ago with the rise of Christianity and monotheism, Witches have made a resurgence and their numbers are vast. This alone is not a problem, but with the resurgence of witches comes the most frightful of their species, the Realistic Witch. Commonly known to have legitimate knowledge in witchcraft and pagan belief systems, the Realistic Witch can and will debate the validity of Fluffy Bunny religion with surprising ease and strength. They do not yeild, and will attack over and over regardless of our own stubbornness or ignorance.

The Realistic Witch claims it is perfectly natural to debate and disagree with others beliefs, and vehemently refuses to accept that there are some among us who are reincarnations of Mythical creatures and Goddesses, or the Lovers of Gods. They also refuse to acknowledge our powers of being able to transform objects, shape shift into animals, teleport, or otherwise physically change our surroundings on a whim.

The Realistic Witch is the most feared enemy of us, the Fluffy Bunnies, and should be avoided at all costs. If you happen to encounter a Realistic Witch unknowingly in real life, do one of the following:

- Defend yourself with made-up stories of family-lineaged witchcraft.
- Threaten to file a police report for slander against your reputable image.
- Run away and hide (possibly the safest option), or
- Threaten to turn her into some kind of inanimate object, or otherwise a harmless animal (always a popular option)

If you happen to encounter a Realistic Witch online or in another non-physical manner, do one of the following:

- Use run-on sentences with bad puncuation and grammar to confuse her
- Use the same defensive statement repeatedly, but phrase it differently so it seems like you have a legitimate standing (and also to confuse her)
- Twist her words to fit your own agenda, and refuse to acknowledge your lack of experience and knowledge
- Remove/block her (and any known associates) from any email lists, Facebook groups, twitter pages, and any other such things, or
- Spread rumors that she is pretending to be enlightened when in reality, she knows nothing (a popular option used immediately following the tip before this).

Combining any/all of the above strategies from their respective grouppings, in conjunction with calling the Realistic Witch a fluffy bunny (a great insult to most Realistic Witches) for flair, will ensure that she will do one of two things. First, she may be angry enough to never speak to you again, or second, she may decide you are no longer worth her time. In the event that the second outcome should occure, feel secure in the knowledge that you have won your struggle against the Realistic Witch because hey, if she was really threatened by you, she’d continue pointlessly arguing.

This is Lady IsisMoonRose NightWaterDragon reporting from Calgary, Alberta.
Love and Light, Blessed be, and May the Moon Goddess watch over you all your days.